Fear and doubt

I went for my 3 mile run this morning, and even though it was more than 20 degrees cooler than my 3 mile run on Tuesday, I ran it 7 seconds/per mile slower, and felt like I was struggling more than I was earlier in the week. I have no idea why there would be such a drastic difference between the two runs.

I wonder if it has to do with the early hour, so my body isn’t really awake and I haven’t put any fuel in the tank for a while or if it’s fatigue, being at the end of the week and having lifted weights 10 hours earlier. Weird. I hope Sunday’s 4 mile run isn’t such a struggle.

I used to relish in the struggle. I prided myself on being able to endure more pain than other people and I believe that’s why I was able to consistently run at a pace good enough to beat most of the pack over longish distances. However, after the way I felt this morning, I’m not sure I still have that love of the fight in me. I hope I do, but so far I’m not feeling it. Jason, over at Recast in Iron had a great post earlier this week that really resonated with me. It reminded me of why I used to love being a runner, and inspired me to go out and run in the afternoon heat rather than pushing my schedule, but today, for the first time since I started running again, I began to really question if I have what it takes to be a runner again.

I’m sure we all have days like this, and I’m sure I’ll get through it, just like I did during the run, but ugh! During the middle of a run when I’m struggling like that, I find myself repeating things like, “it’s supposed to hurt like hell” or “if it were easy, everyone would do it” and for the most part that seems to work. I really hope I don’t have to fall back on that too much in the coming weeks, or I may be going back more HIIT and less running for the pleasure of running. Sure, HIIT hurts like hell too, but it’s finite and doesn’t require me to get up way too early in the morning and run in the dark :)